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Sunday, June 24th, 2001

Time Event
5:58p
"The Guy I Almost Was": Me 2 @ T
"The Guy I Almost Was": Me 2 @ T

Peter O'Flaherty. Is he me, or I him? Are we the same? Empathetically speaking, I would venture many of us know his life. I myself went through 7 years of school, two universities in two countries, and ended up 1 class short of two degrees, a penniless mother fucker without a fucking clue of why shit didn't work out for me. I had to beg and plead my landlord not to throw my ass out of my apartment more times than I can count. I can recall a complete week I survived a tub of sherbet ice cream that cost me about a $1.00. And I can remember seeing the future as something that was altogether Grensback.

All I ever wanted though was that future that "they" promised. I'm a hard working man. I learn fast. I adapt quickly. I can do anything you want. Just ask. Just give me that chance. I wanted to be jacked in, turned on, in "in crowd". I wanted the latest and greatest toys, I wanted the billings and the magazine interviews, I want that little bit of money that comes with the little bit of fame.

I'm 30 now. And I realize that it was all a joke. A joke on me that I inflicted and perpetuated upon myself, and by those wannabes like myself, who felt better about themselves being nobodies by luring me into vicariously living a world through their carefully, fiendishly constructed eyes. Oh, no doubt,
"they" are quite mad, yet for "them" to have drawn me in and eked out a living on my dollar-scapings, I have to give them credit where credit is due. It was been quite a novel. Or has it been a decology?

And again like Peter, I have taken some kind of heart in all this. I started to write several years back. Nothing professionally published yet, but that takes time. It takes time to find yourself as a writer. To hone skills. I tired of being manipulated, and I have decided to control my own fate. Now I construct worlds. I create figments of everyone's imagination and mind-masterbation. For I am a writer. No, I don't want to take the place of those who came before, I want to be my own man, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't earn some of the money they opened the door to. Some of the money from my own pocket.

Much of what I have learned is that futures (note the 's' thank you) are rarely linear. Technology and futurology are as random as the weather. We cannot predict it; we can only guess at it. Tomorrow is a wonderland we had to make-believe was real for it to be real. A self-fulfilling prophesy. So step back world, I might not be "here today", but I plan to be tomorrow.

My greatest gratitude and my utmost respect goes out to electric sheep web comix and Peter O'Flaherty. Check the site and read "The Guy I Almost Was", after all, you're already living it.

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