March 14th, 2003

My Burner Community- A LOVE/HATE relationship

Eventually I want to expand what Im saying here, but Im limited at the moment with time, so what I will say for now is how my community is so important to me. I see how in the last few months I have been confusing certain dominant peoples personalities with the flavour of my community as a whole...yet when I wanted to walk away I didnt...why?
Well even with the bullshit drama, I still love Burning Man and my Burning Man friends (goddamit!) so today online, I created a mOOseman topica list to sort out something that was bugging me...or was I playing Devils advocate? Maybe. But the list isnt MINE, its for whoever wants it. And I just got tired of complaining to myself and decided to DO something about it! (Thanks to slobberpuppys DOocracy philosophy that she has instilled into me.
I mean I might not go to Mooseman but it is important to alot of my, geesh, I thought I could help.
So, thats as much as I will say right now. I love my community at times, and other times its too much. Right now, I feel the love.
Well that didnt last very long. I created a list for people to talk about Mooseman (the Ontario Burn communitys local burn) off the MAIN list because alot of people arent going and only subscribe to the main list for Burning Man info, and the first post is someone saying how they think this new list is retarded. Wow. Thanks for the positive input. And sure enough, just like I have said in the past about Burning Man people it's only their "two cents". Well if you cant say anything positive why say anything at all? Im honestly sick of hearing about mooseman and Im only trying to help. I gave up the ownership of the list to someone who is involved in it and *Im* going to unsubscribe. THATs the whole point! To keep it seperate. But I guess I knew that SOMEONE has to complain and put me down and say their say. I guess, they think Im coming from a place of negativity or caddiness but I wasnt. I felt that instead of COMPLAINING , Id DO something. Geesh. This is the side of the Burning Man community that I HATE!!!! The power struggles, the critisism, the competitiveness. Woah! It can get tense.
But, I know that alot of Burners feel overwhealmed by the same shit. It adds to Burn out. BUT thats what Im taking measures against.
People probably think because I have been a caddy and REACTIONARY person in the past that I can not possibly be well motivated... but you know what? They can suck my bum and think of me what they want. Its no problem. Im doing the Artists way and taking time out and replenishing myself BECAUSE I was becomming burnt out and
do- do- do right, do ocracy! Do something positive or do nothin at all!