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Wednesday, June 16th, 2004

Time Event
6:36p
playabound #1
Two months until I'm playabound, heading out of Firedance for the bay, then east back to the desert. There's so much apprehension. This trip daunts me already, yet I know it's a perfectly reasonable expedition.

Last year the formula got COMPLETELY out of hand. What started out as a healthy release into the abyss of self-discovery turned into mayhem on the playa. Center was hard to find, even when surrounded by great people. There were so many difficult forces coming together under the bright Mars sky.

Burn 2003 = 1 cup of sexual creepout, 2 pints of blood and a smattering of irrelevant chemicals.

The art projects I went out there to undertake were somewhat thwarted as I sank into an incomplete space. What started as diversion turned to crisis and exploded all over what was left of my defenses. What a mess....it took me months to get back on my feet.

Now here it is....two months away again. Playa. You aren't planning to kill me completely, are you Kali Ma?

This year I am producing an interactive theater piece for the man's observatory -- the designs are online. This will be an expansion of the performance I started last year out in deep playa, an interactive oracle called I/O for meditation-reflection. We're looking for performance artists, street performers, mimes and other movement artists (or amateurs who want to try) to take shifts for this installation; if you're interested in giving it a go email me.

The larger experiment on global gifting is why I'm going back despite the fear. When I left the playa last year I KNEW. None of that other shit mattered anymore because I KNEW. There was a certainty, a promise in progress. I'm going back again because I want to know again; I want my beliefs stretched beyond all known capacities.

There seem to be a higher count of geniuses per capita in Black Rock City. This is a very sexy and wondrous situation for a girl like me who loves to connect. We share the same catalyst sparks in our eyes when we talk of the world we envision, one more like our runaway home of BRC. So much of it SHOULD be permanent, like the dedication to civic responsibility or the mutual care and love shown in exchanges all across the playa.

So I go back again with a clear zen focus. I still want to believe in communion, but I am already struggling with how much of myself should be open to taking BRC into me. There's just so much of it to feel, to crawl within and nest in places I need for sanity and survival.

Wow. So that's my journey back home. I'm going up as staff early on but could use help getting a few items shipped from Los Angeles sometime before the event begins. Any ideas? Got a theme camp truck going up with room for two extra boxes?

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