_ _ _ _Dear Reader_ _ _ _
As you may know, a very long time ago, the barren playa where Black Rock City now stands was once a lush and thriving lakebed. Black Rock Lake was under the protection of the Kingdom of the Sea, and my Father, Poseidon, loved it dearly. He used to spend his summers there.
But then one day the Burning Man came and dried up Black Rock Lake. The animals all moved away, the plants withered and died, and the ground became cracked and brittle. My father was heartbroken and never recovered. He died soon afterward.
It has taken me many millennia, but I have returned to avenge my father's death. I am coming to Black Rock City to destroy the Burning Man and reclaim the Playa for the Kingdom of the Sea. I have amassed a small army of fishes, devils, monkeys, and Gods to march on the Man's Temple and burn it to the ground.
We are also bringing thousands of gallons of water with us to aid in the attainment of our ultimate goal; the complete Rehydration of the Playa, so don't be surprised if you see my minions pissing in the dirt as they are under strict orders from me to do so.
_ _ _ _The March_ _ _ _
Wednesday Night at Sundown, we will begin from our HeadQuarters in the Woonami Village. We'll then march along the esplanade, conquer Center Camp, and group around the cauldron to rally more supporters.
Thursday Night at Sundown we begin at the Cauldron and proceed up the processional to the Temple of Honor. There we will perform our preparatory rituals and receive our Blessings from the Goddess.
Friday Night at Sundown, we will gather at the Cauldron, march to the Man, and threaten him. This is his final warning. If he does not pull out after Friday night's demonstration, then Saturday, at nightfall, we will destroy him.
_ _ _ _The Gods_ _ _ _
I have formed alliances with the following Deities.
We have all agreed to March against the Man and burn him down.
Together we shall be known as . . .
The March of the Gods.
- Athena, Greek Goddess of Art, Wisdom, Justice, and War. Athena was very close to my Father. In the old days, they used to hang out at the Acropolis together. She felt his loss very deeply and she is coming to Black Rock City, stilted and armed with Flaming Poi, to serve the Man a fistfull of divine Justice.
- Starchild, Native American Spirit Goddess. She will come to us Wednesday night in unearthly form. Thursday she will meld with the mighty unicorn, and Friday she will manifest herself as a human, adorned with a flaming headdress, and ablaze in all her tribal glory. She comes stilted with Flaming Poi and Fire Fingers.
- Lord Munkus the Crusher, King of all Apes. He is marching to avenge the displacement of his simian brothers from the foresty banks of Black Rock Lake. He wields Poi and a Flaming Staff.
- Loki, the Trickster. His skills with Poi and Flaming Rope are legendary. It's true he is a mischievous and unpredictable deity, but I trust his instincts, as well as his innate talent for finding fun in the destruction of a God.
- Pan, Lord of the Goats and Protector of Shepherds. He wields Flaming Nunchucks. When asked what his motivation was in marching against the Man, Pan replied "What day is it? Saturday? Hell, I've got nothing better going on. Let's burn his ass!"
- Elijah, The God of All Elements. Wednesday he is Air, Thursday he is Earth, Friday he is Water, and Saturday he is Fire. He is coming to Black Rock City armed with Flaming Poi, Staffs, and Machetes.
- FireNinja, Master of the Flaming Martial Arts. Little is known about this renegade assassin. Some say he has a personal vendetta against the Man due to unpaid debts for past services rendered. He comes armed with Burning Whips, Swords, and Staffs.
- Lucifer, Lord of the Underworld. He claims that the Burning Man has been stealing his fire. He also says that recently several of his major Demons have left Hell and moved to Black Rock City. He comes wielding a Flaming Pitch Fork, Sword, Whip, and Staff.
- Nasu Pestihl, God of the Persian Underworld. Nasu travels in conjunction with Lucifer, and he plans to drag the Man's spirit back down into the Underworld with him where it belongs. He is coming to Black Rock City armed with Flaming Poi and a Fire Whip.
- Bast, Goddess of the Cats. She represents the interests of all felines, from the lowest domestic tabby, to the mighty Lion. She comes armed with Flaming Poi and Fire Fans.
- Kali, Mother Goddess of Dissolution and Destruction. The Man betrayed her heart when he took a hallucinogenic DPW worker as his lover in 2002. She is coming to Black Rock City armed with Fire Fans and Swords to unleash her wrath and regain her lost honor.
- Inanna, Sumerian Goddess of Love, Fertility, and War. Inanna has a symbiotic relationship with the natural world. When the forest around Black Rock Lake died, Inanna's soul died with it. She is coming to Black Rock City armed with Fire Fans to take down the Man, restore life to the Black Rock Forest, and resurrect her lost soul.
- Utnapishtim, Wise King and High Priest of Shurrupak. Many say that Utnapishtim, like Noah, is the immortal sole survivor of a Great Flood. But I have heard rumors that the flood was his doing in the first place, and that he is coming to Black Rock City to do it again. Just as Prometheus brought the spark, so Utnapishtim brought the dew. He travels armed with Flaming Poi.
- Mercury, God of Merchants, Trade, and Profit. In recent years, Mercury has developed a rather lucrative career as a real estate broker. He is coming to Black Rock City armed with Flaming Clubs to destroy the Man and stake his claim on the parcels of land directly surrounding the Playa. Once the Lake has been restored, the market value on these parcels will increase dramatically, and he will sell them off as waterfront property at a significant profit.
- Apollo, God of Music. Apollo is marching for the thrill of battle and the spoils of victory. He will weave our story into a great song that the people can sing for generations to come. He wields Flaming Poi, Swords, Whips, Claws, and Flags.
- Pecos Bill, Spirit of the American West. Pecos Bill claims that the Burning Man is horning in on his territory. When asked to elaborate on this claim, Bill said "Goddamn it, Burning Man! I'm the one that dug the Rio Grande! Now git the hell off mah land, or I'm gonna challenge you to a showdown!!" Bill is coming to Black Rock City armed with Flaming Poi, Double Staffs, and a ten gallon hat.
- Hippocampus Rex, Greek Lord of the Sea Creatures. Hippocampus will be in charge of our group's Fire Safety. He has been swimming with my family for generations, and there is no one I trust more with the well being of our team.
- Luna, the Moon Goddess, will descend from the sky and march alongside us. It's the New Moon and her night sky will be full of stars.
- Scorpio, Tribal Goddess, will march with us too.
- Oshun, the Afro-Cuban Goddess of Water.
- Nemesis Adrasteia, Goddess of Divine Justice and Vengeance. Nemesis will carry the scales and hold the Man accountable for his crimes. He will pay, no one can escape her.
- Eros, the God of Love. Eros has agreed to stay behind and watch over the Sea World in our absence.
_ _ _ _Propaganda_ _ _ _
Ganesh, Hindu God of Prosperity, has honored us with his divine protection. He's also provided us with Propaganda to spread throughout the city during these marches in support of our cause. We will be distributing educational stickers and collectable memorablia in an attempt to enlist vehicles, and rally more supporters.
Warrants against the Man are being issued by many of the Deities listed above, and Wanted Posters will be hung in all the major theme camps calling for the Man's immediate execution.
_ _ _ _The Call_ _ _ _
Citizens of Black Rock City, we need your help. March with us! Let's turn the tides of fate against the Man. Let's make him taste his own flames. We have suffered too long under his Tyranny of Dehydration!
People! Gods! Aliens! Mythological Creatures! Come and March with us! We need your support. Only united can we overcome the Man. Help us to serve justice and Rehydrate the Playa. Let's rise up together and Burn the Man to the Ground ! ! !
I truly hope that you will find it in your heart to support us in this righteous cause.
Your blessing means more to us than you will ever know.
King of the Seven Seas
Master of All Waters
Painting at the Top:
Garnish, Ganesh in Black Rock City
Oil on Canvas
David Campbell Wilson