D. Fennel (fennel) wrote in burning_man,
D. Fennel

survival rules

This will be my fifth year on the playa, and for a while now, I've been giving friends of mine who were new to Burning Man two guidelines for avoiding disaster. No warranty is express or implied.

RULE 1: No plummeting.

Sometimes to avoid unintentionally breaking rule #1, you have to just not climb whatever it is in the first place.

RULE 2: The phrasing of this rule won't make sense unless you played Dungeons & Dragons as a kid. Or maybe as an adult; I don't know -- I haven't touched the stuff since I was 12.

Okay, so, let's figure that on your average Wednesday night at Burning Man, there are, I don't know, 20,000 people on the playa. At any given moment, about 100 of those people are about to take their Saving Throw vs. Stupid.

Fifty of them will miss this saving throw. So here's rule #2: you want to avoid, at all costs, being within about five yards of any of these fifty people. Furthermore, if one of them is controlling something that contains a motor or a "fire" button, you don't want to be anywhere in front of them at all.

Actually being one of those fifty people is dangerous, but at that point survival rules aren't going to help you much. The best you can do is to not get hurt at times when you yourself aren't the one fucking up.

These two rules were largely inspired by an incident around Illumination Village where, if memory serves, some guy broke the first rule by intentionally hanging off the human-powered ferris wheel the wrong way and then either leaping or falling off of it, at which point he hit someone who was breaking rule #2 by getting within fuckup's distance of this doofus.

dilettante suggested I post these to the community. If you like them, thank him. If you don't, thank me.

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