It’s the day after Space Cowboy’s last BM planning meeting, which means two things: first, I’m a little hung over, and second, it’s time to announce scheduled Mog appearances on the playa. But before diving into that, I want to address a subject that can greatly impact overall enjoyment on the playa: the man with the megaphone. Used to be the man with the megaphone was a highly skilled performer, an artist of volume and words, weaving an awe-striking tapestry of insults and debasement in which all the playa could derive pleasure. But the years has seen quality erode, and nowadays just about any asshole can pickup a megaphone and make noise. In the interest of ensuring some qualitative baseline, I’d like to suggest a few megaphone one-liners, that all megaphone operators should have in their back pocket. If you or someone you know operates a megaphone on the playa I encourageyou to jot these classics down and then in the event that wit fails, you'll have this cheatsheet:
To a stoner: SHUT UP, STONER!
To a tweaker: FUCK OFF, TWEAKER!
To a tripper: DRINK YOUR WATER, TRIPPER!
To a raver: GO TO BED, RAVER!
To a hippy: SHAVE YOUR BEAVER, HIPPY!
To a goth: HAVE A NICE DAY!
To a tourist: WELCOME TO COACHELLA!
And to all the DJs who want to play on your sound system: FUCK NO, YOU JEALOUS BITCH!*
*Special message for DJs interested in playing on the Mog: As you might imagine we get quite a few requests from DJs, like yourself, who are gracious enough to offer up their talent to the Unimog. We've crafted aresponse to these requests, which I will share with you now: FUCK NO, YOU JEALOUS BITCH!
(We don't really book many DJs prior to the playa, it's just too much of a pain in the ass, and schedule would inevitably get thrown out the window. Instead, just find us out on the playa; Kapt’n Kirk is our DJ wrangler this year, so talk to him first.)
#### And now our upcoming playa events ####
8/30 - Tuesday night – FALSE PROFIT
Space Cowboys goes way back with the False Profit freaks, so I expect this first Welcome Back To The Playa party could turn very ugly indeed.
4:30 & Amnesia (One block back from our camp at 4:30 and Esplanade)
8/31 – Wednesday – EARTH GUARDIANS
Bringing the gift of BOOM to the those who give us the gift of LNT.
...and later that night (technically Thursday morning)
PARADOX LOUNGE / MEET THE GREETERS
We’re going to haul our madness over to the Greeter\Station to help our good friends from Paradox Lounge will be doing their civic duties while shaking their cute booties.
9/1 – Thursday – HOUSE OF LOTUS
Look for DJs from Space Cowboys deck wrecking with their Ho-o’-Lo pals at the funky yellow temple on the corner of 10 & Esplanade. We’re playing around 10PM, to be followed by some of the best SF DJ talent around.
...also on Thursday - HAPPY BIRTHDAY NAMI (my lovely fiancée) - love you, sweetie!
9/2 – Friday: Day – DEEP END
It’s time to rock out with our Mog out! Out in the sun that is, we’re making a rare daytime appearance for all the love and glory we can garner. 9:00 & Catharsis
...and later that night we’re having a little soirée we like to call...
THE SPACE COWBOY BLACK ROCK HOE DOWN
Look for us—the Mog, the bar, the mayhem—somewhere by Flaming Lotus Girls. Nuff said.
9/3 – Saturday – WTF?!
Nothing else on the books for Saturday, but I’m sure something will come up… it always does. If you have any brilliant ideas, please share.
9/4 – Sunday – BLACK SABBATH PANCAKES
All Sabbath, all the time.
@ Carp Camp
########### AND COMING UP AFTER THE BURN ###########
Look for us in the Love Parade on Sept. 24, 2005—we’ve got the pole position!
And just so y’all are aware, Breakfast of Champions 2006 is in the works.