I can't seem to wrap my head around being back in the default world. Things like exchanging money for services seem so foreign... i almost offered a cashier a hug instead of cash. I sat through almost 5 hours of classes yesterday, yet have absolutely no clue what anyone talked about. I even took a test and have no idea what answers i chose. The letters and numbers ran off of the page together, headed for a secret tryst while i daydreamed of dust and sweat and the sound of my name when called out in joy.
I never hear my name spoken in the real world the way that i do on the playa. Every utterance is like a caress. And i know that when my name is spoken there, it means something... that in that moment i and i alone will serve some purpose that cannot be matched by anyone else on this earth. It's strange how so many people call me oddlet in the default world, but on the playa i'm almost universally called by my real name. As if the facade that i wear in the real world is removed at the gate and i am suddenly bare for all to see. No artifice, no coyness, i can't bear it.
I can't bear it.