Jacqui (jacqui) wrote in burning_man,
Jacqui
jacqui
burning_man

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My boyfriend bailed on being with me tonight. I feel so alone. I've been crying and crying. So depressed and torn. I couldn't stop myself from watching the coverage on KMEX, the shots of the bodies falling. I want to be in New York or Washington where I can be with people who are closer to this. I want to comfort people and share this grief with someone else.

I'm sick of sitting in my bed, watching the televison, switching channels, blowing my nose. I had to go out to pick up the car pool. I had to hold it together for my son. This is so horrible and hard for anyone, but especially for children to comprehend and to process, so overwhelming and scary. I was looking forward to being able to kind of commune with my partner, to be able to share some of this with someone I love. But he chose to get high and stay home and I'm just so angry and hurt. It reminds me of when I was with my ex, who left us behind during the riots, to fly off to some stupid fencing tournament. The city was burning and we were so alone. It feels similar tonight. I was going to just make myself try to go to sleep but then I thought that maybe if I came here I would feel a little less isolated, frightened and lonesome.

It's hard to go from the powerfully loving, communal nature of Burning Man, to this lonely life I lead here. It's hard when you don't have a community of people to process all of this with. I thought about going to mass and almost got myself to go, but then I thought the people there might just be mean and closed minded about our colorful hair and we would feel shut out or ostracized.

Okay I'm going to browse the journals and see how you're all feeling.

I'm just so so sorry for those poor people.

I saw this on a message board. I wonder if this is an accurate quote from one of the quatrains.

In the City of God there will be a great thunder, two brothers torn
apart by chaos, while the fortress endures, the great leader will
succumb...The third big war will begin when the big city is burning...
on the 11th day of the 9 month that...two metal birds would crash
into two tall statues...in the new city... and the world will end soon
after - Nostradamus 1654
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